Demisexuality: Embracing Emotional Bonds in the Spectrum of Attraction

September 5, 2024 Gargi Sharma

Demisexuality is a lesser-known sexual orientation where an individual feels sexually attracted to someone only after forming a strong emotional bond. People who are not demisexual may experience sexual attraction for various reasons, such as appearance, and they might get attracted not only to the people they know but also to those whom they do, not including strangers and celebrities. Those whose sexual orientation is demisexual can be of any gender. Demisexuality does not refer to the absence of sexual attraction; it is about forming a meaningful emotional relationship before getting sexually involved with someone. This orientation throws light upon the diverse experiences of love and attraction.

The spectrum of asexuality includes demisexuality. Asexuality is defined as having no or less sexual attraction towards anyone. Still, under the umbrella of the asexuality spectrum, it is not a necessity not to have any attraction towards anyone. Asexual people can experience other forms of attraction, such as romantic attraction (desiring a romantic interaction without involving sex), aesthetic attraction (desire based on physical appearance without any romantic interest), sensual attraction (desire for cuddling or hugging in a non-sexual manner). Demisexuality is not the same as asexuality but is a form of the same that is characterized by the romantic orientation of the person.

The presence of a strong emotional connection is a prerequisite for sexual attraction. The emotional bond is not a choice; it is a crucial part of experiencing attraction that makes the approach of demisexual people towards relationships different from the common instant physical attraction. Their partners might misunderstand those who are demisexual as the former might expect the development of sexual attraction quicker. The experience of a one-night stand and casual dating might seem irrelevant to their idea of experiencing the attraction. A long-held stereotype prevails in society that men are interested in sex all the time, and women only show sexual interest when they are in love.

Demisexual Royalty-Free Images, Stock Photos & Pictures | Shutterstock

This harmful belief system is known as gender essentialism, which argues that women and men are different due to biological, innate and universal reasons. Such ideologies further contribute to the rape culture. Demisexuality also faces misconceptions and challenges from society. It is not recognised on a worldwide basis and might be considered a temporary state rather than a legitimate sexual orientation. Demisexual people can feel alienated or inadequate as they might be compelled to conform to the conventional norm of quick sexual and romantic attraction or if they are overlooked with the LGBTQ+ community. Society commonly excludes the members of the LGBTQ+ community.

It is not uncommon for society to misconceptualise demisexuality as asexuality due to the requirement of a strong emotional bond. This misconception can further lead to stigmatisation as demisexual individuals might find it difficult to articulate their feelings and experiences for sharing with their family, friends and healthcare professionals. Demisexuality is often considered to be fake, but it is not a preference, an opinion or a moral judgement. It is a real natural sexual orientation. It is also observed that those who are unaware of the various sexual and gender identities might say that demisexual people are not oppressed and they only need a label to claim their oppression, whereas label and claiming oppression are different.

Heterosexuality is a label, and those who are heterosexual are not oppressed for their sexual orientation. The lack of representation of demisexual characters/individuals in popular culture is creating an absence of awareness and understanding among the general population. Embracing demisexuality is a unique way of building connections. It is a journey of self-discovery that allows navigating relationships authentically based on deep emotional bonds.

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