By Nitin Teotia
Aromantic people, who are they? Well, to put it in simple words – “Someone who doesn’t want or feel romance or love”. The word love has its own definition for each and every individual, so does the word romance. But if I write this how can I explain who aromantic people are or how do they feel?
There are few generic things about aromantic person which can help us understand them better rather than judging them on the basis of their choices or imposing our own ideas. some “signs” that many people on the aromantic spectrum relate to, and might mean something to you.
- When you discovered the word “aromantic,” it felt like something finally clicked into place for you.
- Identifying as aromantic makes you feel relieved, free, happy, or more like yourself.
- You have trouble telling the difference between romantic and friendly feelings.
- You’ve never had a crush on someone, or fallen in love, or you’re not sure if you’ve ever had a crush on someone or fallen in love.
- You have doubted whether crushes or love really exist, or if they’re just cultural constructs.
- You find romance boring, annoying or upsetting when it appears in fiction, even if it’s written well.
- You once thought that having a crush on someone meant you admired them or really wanted to be their friend.
- You thought crushes were something you consciously decided to have, and selected an acquaintance or celebrity to be your crush, because everyone else was doing it. Then you forgot which acquaintance or celebrity you were supposed to have a crush on.
- If you’re not asexual, a “friends with benefits” relationship sounds ideal to you.
- You have trouble relating, or feeling involved when your friends discuss their romantic relationships or romantic feelings.
- Falling in love doesn’t seem very exciting to you.
- You don’t understand why people do ridiculous, irrational, or over-the-top things in the name of love.
- You don’t understand why finding someone sexually/aesthetically attractive would lead you to want a committed relationship with them.
- Or, maybe you sort of understand those things in an abstract way, but you can’t really relate to them.
- When a romantic relationship gets serious, it makes you feel cold, distant, or uncomfortable.
- Getting a romantic partner feels more like fulfilling an obligation, or something you’re supposed to do, than something you’re really enthusiastic about.
- Your romantic partners always seem to be way more into the lovey-dovey stuff than you are.
- A likable person suggests having a romantic relationship with you, and you’re indifferent to it – you’re open to trying it, but you won’t get disappointed without it. Other people may find your indifference bizarre or think you’re giving off mixed messages.
- You have felt guilty about not loving your romantic partner as much as they loved you, even though you sincerely cared about them and wanted to love them back.
- You have felt suffocated, repressed or tense in a romantic relationship, even though you really liked your partner and they hadn’t done anything wrong.
- When your last romantic relationship ended, you felt relieved and free more than you felt sad, even if your partner broke it off, and even if you liked them very much as a person.
- You’re more excited by making a new best friend than by falling in love.
- You wouldn’t mind marrying your best friend and spending your life with them, even though you’re not in love with them.
- You’d rather spend Friday night with your friends than going out on a date.
- You want a best friend much more than you want a romantic relationship.
- You are either oblivious to other people flirting with you, or feel uncomfortable or threatened by it.
- You are sometimes perceived as flirtatious when you only meant to be friendly.
- You recognize whether something is romantic or not by comparing it to other gestures, words and signals that your culture has taught you are romantic, rather than “feeling” the romance of it intuitively.
- When you say or do romantic things, it feels like you’re following a script or copying romantic things you’ve seen elsewhere, rather than something spontaneous and natural to you.
- When thinking about what sort of person you’d want to date, your criteria are identical to what you would want from a best friend.
- You have trouble imagining romantic activities that you would enjoy, unless those activities are also fun or interesting for you on a platonic or intellectual level.
- You feel like your closest friends and/or queerplatonic partners are better at fulfilling your emotional needs than romantic partners would be.
- You would rather be huggy, cuddly or emotionally intimate with all of your friends instead of reserving your intimacy for just one person.
- You avoid going places where people are likely to flirt with you, such as bars, parties, nightclubs, and concerts.
- You’re not sure why other people enjoy romantic stories; you usually just find the lead characters to be annoying, boring or dysfunctional.
- You like the idea of having a big wedding celebration more than the idea of actually marrying someone.
Why do we need Spectrum Awareness Week? Following such a romantic holiday as Valentine’s Day, aromantic awareness week promotes awareness and celebrate the people who belongs to the aromantic spectrum.
Our society fundamentals are changing every day and we need to be more accepting to that change and not impose the obsolete one’s which spreads hate. Some of the ways you might be doing that are by telling these things to a aromantic person:
- Aromantics can be “fixed”
- Aromantics are anti-romance
- Aromantics don’t like touching, kissing, or hugging
- Someone who is aromantic just hasn’t found the right person yet
- Aromantics are afraid of commitment
- Aromantics are cold and heartless
We might have our own choices but that doesn’t mean that we have any right to take away the rights of the other people just because we don’t like something or are uncomfortable with something as they say it, “Abnormal”.
We live in a world full of hate and violence where we are quick to judge and reach conclusions. We need to start being open-minded, welcoming, kind, compassionate, the qualities that enrich our lifestyle with some healthy ingredients.