Being a bisexual, the way I grew up in the society seemed normal until I stayed in the closet and dated guys. But the day I decided to come out of the closet, the ones closest to me, were the first to judge and label me. The change in their behaviours was unhealthy and made me feel vulnerable instead.
The questions hurled at me were homophobic, constant and demeaning to the core. I was given explanations about why I started “liking” women and things that were wrong about me.
My sexuality was now a topic for conversation as if I’m some object to be discussed over a cup of tea. The same friends who I used to hang out with every evening had the most horrific and vulgar question ready for me.
I was 13 when I realized I was bisexual, 18 when I came out of the closet and 22 when I’m writing this. I have been dating a girl for over a year, and the questions have never changed. The homophobic jokes “How do you guys even do it”, “It’s not real sex”, “Oh your mouth would be so dry right now”, haven’t changed. The homophobic, judgmental society hasn’t changed.
Considering the queer spaces and how the fellow queers see and treat you, bisexual women are mostly considered untrustworthy, or confused with their sexuality. No matter how much you try to blend in, you are bound to observe these stereotypes and belittlement. These things mess with your brain. Being a queer person introduces you to a lot of confusion, insecurities and fears. And when we are judged in the queer spaces made to help us blend in and find a moment of normality, it takes a toll on our mental health.
Be it a bisexual or any queer, what everyone in their teens to early 20’s look for is acceptance, representation, rationality. What instead happens is severe conditioning of our brains into thinking the sexuality is a misunderstanding or misinterpretation of our heart’s desires. Either you decide to not speak out about what you feel or who you are, or you put yourself up there to be judged, joked about, and treated the way it suits the others.
The way things work in society, it’s the easiest to hide behind the convenient labels, even if they depict us wrong. Yet here we are, painting our world little with blue, a dash of pink and lots of purple. The world might not understand us, but we do!